My Precioussaurus

Middle brother is two, which is an incredibly fun, incredibly weird age. He’s just starting to use his imagination, he’s learning new words every day, and he’s excited when he pees without a diaper on, even if there’s not a toilet anywhere in the vicinity. My toddler, and I know this is not true of all of them, loves to share. He loves it so much he will shove a goldfish cracker forcefully in your mouth when you would prefer he not share with you.

The newest and most glaring quirk of his toddlerhood is his obsession with his dinosaur gummy vitamins. This is one area where sharing is out of the question. All things considered, I don’t really want him sharing vitamins, so that’s okay. But there is now a weird ritual around the gummies.

He’s currently taking a regimen of medications for his latest eczema outbreak. (For you crunchy moms, I know there are ten thousand homeopathic remedies for eczema. If you find one that works for your child, good on you. We didn’t, and our child was suffering.) Because he loves his vitamin like dessert, it is always the last thing we give him before teeth brushing. Then, the ritual begins.

First, he must show the tiny dinosaur to everyone in the house at least three times, announcing “‘Edicine!” Next, he must pass the vitamin from hand to hand several times, noting the stickiness on the fingers not currently holding it. Then, he must cradle the gummy to his chest for what feels like forever, and in actuality ranges from ten to fifteen minutes, muttering “Mine,” in an increasingly growly voice any time someone looks at him. If someone tries to take the ‘edicine to place it in his mouth, the process begins anew. If you are wise enough to wait it out, eventually he places it in his mouth, chews, swallows, and announces “Num, num!” in a satiated tone.

Every night, I get the unmitigated glee of watching my otherwise cheerful, friendly toddler slowly turn into Gollum. Toddlers are a trip.